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Are you hearing things, you crazy person?

July 31, 2005


Name the tune you are hearing. Name it, I say! Bet you don't have the foggiest. Do ya? No, you can't look at the code you audio-ignoramus! First one to guess gets an entire post written about how much I want to get into their pants. I will be asking a related knowledge question to decipher any cheatypants action. If all attempts at seeking the actual source of your answer fail then you get the second prize, which is a big fat secret.

posted by Neha
4:18 PM

10 comments

"Oi !! Why you going a little less kinky .. and little more thinky !?"

July 29, 2005


Sigh. It's 'Linky', I'm going a little less 'Linky'. Anyway, that was yesterday. Today, I need to belch a few good words on a few good things. Many of these are, how shall I say...matters of a hyperlinked nature?

But first...this shit is mine, BEEYATCH! Someone performed an MSN search (huh? couldn't have been voluntary) on 'currylingus', my page is top of the pile. The second link, however, leads to Episode Seven of Tony and Tim's podcast. The cast's overview includes a "currylingus" so of course I download and play. To my utter dry-heaval, they claim responsibility for this site's *ingenious* name. Sure they came up with it TOO, I mean, once you start talking about kissing Adam Curry's ass and "sucking curry cock", it is only logical to turn to currylingus. Regardless, keep all threat of copyright to yourselves, boys, your 1/13/2005 podcast hasn't got a thing on my 12/27/2004 inaugural post (not to mention the slew of people bearing witness to the term's birthing at P.F. Chang's in Dallas, 2001). Now that we've cleared that up, let us proceed...

I've been hankering to read Chuck Palahniuk's new book, Haunted, for a bit now. Everytime I try to purchase it I either chicken out or it is sold out. I keep teetering. Good thing the man so kindly put up one of the short stories from the book on his page, a story called 'Guts'. You might think the name was chosen as it reflects the contents of the story. I differ, the name refers to what those who finish the entire story possess. Might as well have been called 'Got Balls?' or 'Bet you can't read till the end without throwing up'. No doubt the man can write (yes, yes, Fight club) but I'm far too revolted right now to care. Oh, I see, think you're tough do ya? Yeah. Why don't you try it then? Go. For. Gold. Smartass. Cee Pee, reads it especially, so we can talk about how gross it is when we hang out next.

I don't remember what my life was like before Bloglines, whatever it was it sure wasn't as easy as it is today. I recommend this service to you with every burning fiber of my being. You can read anything with a feed on one page. Anything. As it is updated. Newspapers, blogs, magazines, whatevs. Motherfucking brilliant. Have an ogle at my page. 28 feeds on one site and those are just the basics!

I leave you with a piece of indulgent nostalgia, from my childhood, the Sharjah corniche:

Corniche in Sharjah

P.S.
- UGH. I've got 'Ebony & Ivory' stuck in my head, been walking around humming that shit since last night...Side by side on my piano keyboard, oh lord, why don't weeee?

- On another note, why don't people seem to be taking me seriously today???

posted by Neha
3:13 PM

6 comments

At least life can't dooce me

July 27, 2005


It feels. It feels. Like home. Got back home from my trip home. If home is where the heart is then my mine heart and home is split in two parts of equal volume. Here is what I came back to:

1. A heat wave.
2. One a/c limited to bedroom.
3. *Charmingly* messy residential unit.
4. Rajbo.
5. Rajbo's ass-slaps.
6. Dead plants.
7. Work.
8. Uncensored internet.
9. Massive bed with new Pakistani cotton sheets (screw Egyptian, I like me some cheap cotton).
10. Nostalgic memories of my family (complete with soft lighting).
11. A lonely longing for Tina.
12. Two more broken bowls and a couple glasses the same.
13. Rajbo's new hairdo (this may mean I'm no longer his unpaid hairdresser, he has seen the light).
14. TTC metro.
15. Prince Fantastik.
16. George Stroumboulopoulos.
17. Canadian Idol.
18. Rains.
19. 14 hours of daylight everyday.
20. Poutine.
21. People that don't stare.
22. Long green grass.
23. The scent of flowers.
24. Freeway noise.
25. Bagels.
26. 8/1 long weekend.

Yes ji, the spice is back in attack. Thanks to everyone at home (nonono the OTHER home, Dxb) who stayed up past bedtimes and took too-long lunches just to show me a good time. To the bloggers, y'all are just as impressive (read: SEXAY!) in person as in script. I had the BEST time, lovelies, but it's back to the grind for me. Posting shall resume as per normal but with a twist perhaps...suddenly I don't feel so wary of taking a more personal vein. A little less linky, a little more thinky. That is the order of the new day. Let's see how long it lasts...

posted by Neha
7:17 PM

5 comments

Down to the last week...

July 15, 2005


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Water...my prrreeccciousss!

Went to a par-tay with the Teenmeister last night. It blew chunks. The crowd was a bunch of folks who I used to party with two years ago. Those parties always had wicked hip hop, random mystery shots being passed around, and really happy people. Last night was a bunch of strangers with freakking Toto as background muzac. How things change. We skipped the after-dinner schmooze to make it to the Irish Village where Raju and his friend Batic (I dunno how to spell his real name so I won't try) were chilling. The one hour we spent there was ten times the fun we had at that damn party. Thanks dudes, we needed it! All that talk of import/export and really real accents totally made my day.

I drank more (and faster) than I usually do, that's two strong vodkas in a big hurry and one watery vodka in slow motion. Went to bed after three in the morn and was woken up at seven by the sweet rasp of Rajbo. He was sounding stressed in a lonesome sort of way. That massive bed, which he was so excited to have to himself, is now too empty. Oh aching distance, Rajbo and I have suffered too much of it in our time. I misses you, boo...please clean the bathroom and pick all your chaddis off our bedroom floor before I come, k? You will be rewarded richly, my Sultan. XOXO.

posted by Neha
4:52 PM

9 comments

High Phashion

July 14, 2005


Continuing with the 'Neha Does Dubai' raunch-fest, I paid a visit to the Pearl Design Centre yesterday, that's my best bud Tina's school. We had a blast with the kids and the profs, they were all so sweet and talented. I even got to dress up in some originals that were created for the Baume & Mercier Vice Versa launch in Dubai! Weeee! I LOWE clothes!

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And y'all can czech the pics from the actual launch at the Pearl site...with *real* models that don't wear jeans under EVERYTHING.

posted by Neha
5:51 AM

7 comments

Spilling my Dubiyan guts

July 12, 2005


My mum was "reflecting" today on how her life as a youth was so radically different from the way mine is today. She is always shell-shocked at how "forward" and "independent" I am (translation, foul-mouthed and unmarried). Does this have to do with the contraceptive discovery during my last visit (that we still have not properly discussed), I wonder. My sister is going through the "I'm an adult!"/"You're a child!" stage with my parents. I find myself playing both sides of the fence. Little...I mean Big Bairoo is going to realize how precious these small battles really are when she faces the big bad war that is life, out in the Americas.

My relations with my parents have always been rational but I too had the same rough patches as Bairoo. Distance greatly aided us in putting things into perspective. I'm glad I came back every year to show off my new-found independence, if only to demonstrate my ability to drink anyone under the table. Needless to say, my folks used to turn into stammering do-goodies as I stumbled home every early morn. But I'm lucky, so very lucky, that they took this presentation for what it really was, a mighty war cry, "Yeearrgh, I'm a Dubai bubble-girl no more!". You see, as easy as life appears in this part of the Gulf, if you're a woman it is naught but a series of battles. From the NASTY men that taint childhoods with their evil whispers, unforgivable advances, and unblinking eyes to the local overlords who turn a blind eye to rampant racism and abuse. One battle after another, from school to religion to society to government to family.

Abroad in Canada, many of these downfalls were rectified with democracy, secular law, access to ALL media, and just generally wonderful people. But the cold, the isolation, the taxes, the distance between EVERYTHING, the lack of family, the sterility, it all can really weigh a Dubai lass down. This is what Bairoo will learn, as so many before her have learned and have learned to love. The best bit for my mini-me is, of course, that I will be right there beside her. And I humbly ask of the conspiring universe that my capacity will not let her down. It's hard to deal with the fact that you have managed to miss seven of the most crucial developmental years of your one and only sibling. The only other person on this earth with the same two sources. Ah Bairoo, can't wait to 'ruin you' when you come to TO next year! Don't y'all wish you had a little sis to spoil?!

I've had a loooong day, stumbling through the desert with my pops, surveying the sites where 'the tallest building ever', 'the 8th wonder of the world', and 'the biggest mall ever' will soon stand. Treading the sand in 47 C is a helluva way to bond. We also scored entry to a model suite that ususally requires a few million in the bank to view. Serious enquiries only, hmph, I was serious, seriously hot and in need of a/c. No cameras allowed but I managed to click once when there was no security cam in sight, it's a portrait of sinful opulence. Need to get a Pro Flickr account to upload the fantastic pics, my limit has been met. Bitches, they always reel you in.

This is what I did upon returning home, in my favourite chair, it's been around longer than Bairoo:

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posted by Neha
3:15 PM

9 comments

Exorcising Bollywood demons

July 10, 2005


Aaiye Meherban

Spent the day with my mum and sister, watched bad Hindi movies on the tube, dragged daddy to the cinema in the eve to catch some more Hindi action. Watched Parineeta with the superluckyfunhottie Saif Ali Khan and the ever so sweet Vidya Balan (she kicks ass). Ok flick, bit much with the sappy love saga angle but shot nicely. Mums everywhere will want to own a piece. Need more Saif and Vidya.

Funny encounter when I was buying the tickets...the counter-lady handed them to me and instead of saying "enjoy your movie" she said "so sexy". Err. Yeah, so I said "sorry?" and with a large *knowing* smile she said "So SEXY!". Err. I dunno what exactly she was referring to, my choice of movie (there are some risque scenes) or my choice of hot pink lipstick. My dad took it to be the latter, gave me the strangest of looks and slowly backed away. Sheez, Wolfe, some of your deceptive charm has apparently rubbed off!

I've got new pics up on my Flickr so flick me why dontcha? Here's an *original* Dubai view:

Burj

This is the first pic I have EVER taken of the Burj, I've taken three in total so far and there shalt be no more, promise.

posted by Neha
5:40 PM

3 comments

Oh look! I've transformed into a dorky tourist...

July 08, 2005


Self as tourist

...Dubai will do that to a person, even if they have called it their home for almost two decades. My apologies, blogchums, I'm having far too much fun to blog. *GASP* Yeah, yeah, keep breathing in deeply. It's true, I haven't been home long enough to organize my thoughts on this page. I am, however, keeping strict note of ALL the haps and mishaps.

So far, aside from my lovely fam and dear old friends, I have also had the greatest pleasure in meeting three bloggers (who are all very much linked on this page). In order of appearance: the ever so familiar Goodlookin, the Right Honorable Champagne Shoulders, and the wicked wit that rules Designer's Blok. And do I have stories to tell ya!!!!

Love and more love from the Gulf...

posted by Neha
3:46 PM

5 comments

Manchester Musings

July 03, 2005


Manchester is shiny and lush on landing. Rolling green hills and not a tall building in sight. As we taxied down the runway I saw throngs of people standing on makeshift observation decks, taking pictures in our general direction. My first thoughts were, "is there something painted on this plane that people want to see?", "maybe there isn't much to do around here?". These theories were quickly debased when I saw what lay, motionless, between our plane and the excited onlookers, a few Concordes just idling on the grass. I suppose they are now the stuff of legends. Tis a shame.

It is subtly different here. It's like the Halifax airport in a parallel universe. Instead of fiddles there is bad house playing everywhere. Surprisingly few desis, haven't seen a single face of Oriental descent as yet. One huge difference from Toronto, I've not seen ANY Pumas. None. One pair of Nikes and the rest are ALL Adidas. I fit right in, these are my people. Ha. I've not got any pounds. Need to find an exchange so I can buy a bag of crisps, a coffee, and a trashy daily (preferably The Mirror).

Yikes, my 40 CAD is worth 15.36 Pounds. I read the tabs, watch some people. The 12 year olds in Toronto tend to dress like little versions of Xtina. Here, they wear Lacoste tracksuits with their cornrows and runners. This, I very much like. See, if you're 12 and you've got the cuteass baby chub going on, then wearing a tube and 2-sizes-2-small jeans is going to make you feel terrible about yourself. Wear the damn tracksuit, save yourself some grief, tell the boys to FECK OFF, reclaim your public image, stand your ground. Not that any 12 year olds will be reading this but I'm just putting it out there...because I'm waiting in an airport and I've got jack to do.

I'm on flight EK 18 after being singled out (again) at the gate. Feeling very uncomfortable with people hollering my name all over the intercom at airports. I needed an 'A.P.I.' apparently, that's 'Acquire Passport Information' for "ensuring quicker proceedings in Dubai". Err, I didn't pay for this special service, what gives? They're waiting aren't they? The morons at the end of the passport line in Dubai. That breed of human garbage with its attar stench and cow-like gum chewing.

So, I'm on the plane, watching my personal tube. BBC headlines, ground cam, sky cam, maps, and all 500 video channels (minus sound till the headsets come) even before we begin to taxi. Sweet Emirates, I'm never cheating on you with a cheap substitute ever again, promise. You can blame the flicks for me ending my writing here. Until next time, I hope you have enjoyed your flights with me, I hope to see you soon, thank you for choosing Currylingus.

posted by Neha
4:31 PM

3 comments

The Unbearable Airiness of Airporting

July 02, 2005


Damn you, blog. I just purchased a pen for $5.29 to write this down on a limo flyer. That's the price of a maple leaf (including taxes, of course). Does write rather nicely...

10:07 pm, departure time was to be 10:15 pm. Boarding is a constant distant...hey, there's a plane. She's easing in this a way...nice. Lady next to me is writing too, in a pretty diary. Hot dang, she's got PAGES...

...k, I've just run like sonic the hedgehog to get to my real gate. Apparently the Gate 525 that's clearly stated on my boarding pass is only a joke. Ha ha. Fooled you! Air Crazyda. No changes announced, nothing. Now I'm on the plane and they're still counting missing heads. I haven't read the news in two days and I'm too late to snag an English paper. Bet my lacto-ovo meal has transformed into rubbery chicken too. Ah, the life of an economy class eggitarian.

They're showing nature vids while we wait for the missing persons. Magnified images of flowers blooming in slow motion. Flowers with extravagantly protruding reproductive organs, slowly opening, some quivering, pollen everywhere. What de fuck is going on? This is instense. Are they trying to calm us by inducing thoughts of carnal pleasure into our collective sub-conscious? Doubt anyone's buying (except me I guess, "oooo, sexy flower, what nice petals you have, rrrr"). This is a flight to Manchester for fuck's sake, there's only about 5 full sets of non-denture teeth in here! There's a lady across the aisle, she's 85 and this is her first flight EVER. She's brave and excited, so sweet. She doesn't seem too bothered about the delay, surprisingly, must be the flowers. Dammit, I've run out of flyer space...

posted by Neha
11:00 PM

0 comments

HAPPY CANADA DAY, Y'ALL!

July 01, 2005


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posted by Neha
2:17 PM

2 comments