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Ruminating

October 14, 2006


I was feeling sad. My parents just visited me, see. You already knew that. It had been a year since I had seen them, last year it had been two. Welcome to the life of a 1st generation NRI has been. If home was a hero he'd be making filmi pulling motions with my arm. Me, I'd be getting all fake-oo mad. Singing some sainya mori bainya shit.

I wrote the above a few weeks ago. But other pressing matters are now informing my fingers. In these five years past...

...I wish I had cultivated more meaningful relantionships rather than aquaintanceships

...I wish I had spent more time in the world, outside of my personal sphere of existance

...I wish I hadn't given so much thought to things that made my nights unbearable

...I wish I wasn't wishing that I had fucked around

...I wish I had done an NGO internship instead of moving to Toronto

...I wish we had remained strangers

...Most of all, I wish there was something I could have done so that this bitter post need never have been written

Now I shall take your leave and continue pouring my eyes out over some Rumi.


I said, Thou art harsh, like such a one.'
'Know,' he replied,
'That I am harsh for good, not from rancor and spite.
Whoever enters saying, "This I," I smite him on the brow;
For this is the shrine of Love, o fool! it is not a sheep cote!
Rub thine eyes, and behold the image of the heart.'

posted by Neha
8:11 PM

15 Comments:

Anonymous MJ said...

...I wish I had cultivated more meaningful relantionships rather than aquaintanceships --- check

...I wish I had spent more time in the world, outside of my personal sphere of existance --- check

...I wish I hadn't given so much thought to things that made my nights unbearable --- check

...I wish I wasn't wishing that I had fucked around --- check

...I wish we had remained strangers --- double check

wish i could think of something to say. *hug* from a random stranger. hope you feel better.

10/15/2006 01:22:00 PM  
Blogger Paresh said...

Look, I'm sure it's water under the bridge now and besides I think you're strong enough to know that choices we make always have a way of showing impacts later in life. You made yours, now you just gotta live with them. I do understand that the emotional side to us always wants to undo things but unfortunately we have no control over those anymore.

Chin up. It gets better.

10/16/2006 11:53:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

BIG hug, sweetie -- hope you are taking care of yourself. it will get better. really.

10/16/2006 12:36:00 PM  
Anonymous CeePee said...

Keep that head up my dear, you know very well that you are well thought out and its NEVER too late to do anything (IE NGO). This is coming from a 26 year old who wishes he was 23.

10/16/2006 02:56:00 PM  
Blogger Payal said...

Neha, the bitter-sweet post of yours is awesome and Sepia Muntiny misses you.

10/16/2006 09:05:00 PM  
Blogger dutty brown boi said...

Honey, your post touched me, and makes me feel sad for you. While regret may be a human reaction, it is counterproductive as time travel is impossible. Our choices define us, and if we regret some that we have made, they should then serve as lessons to guide us in the future. I realize this is easier said than done, but remember whatever you are going through shall also pass.

10/17/2006 07:32:00 PM  
Blogger Chick Pea said...

miss neha:

hugs from hotlanta...

as the great momma bean told me one day..

what doesn't mush you, makes you into a heartier bean...

10/18/2006 02:37:00 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

Have you read this too?


Rumi - Guest House
This being human is a guest house
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

Hope you feel better soon!
Been there.
z

10/18/2006 03:14:00 PM  
Anonymous Jacob Joseph said...

Cheer up Neha, there are people in this world who think you are a STAR since the time they first met you in 8th grade!
If you want to come to Dubai, I've an opening at the new Weekly I'm just about to start :-)

10/22/2006 08:50:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

its good.cheer up now

10/27/2006 03:52:00 AM  
Blogger Chai said...

thinking of you, darling.

10/30/2006 03:32:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i hope you feel better soon!

10/31/2006 06:05:00 PM  
Blogger Wolfe said...

I miss you.

11/13/2006 12:04:00 PM  
Blogger Paresh said...

Look. I don't what's going on or why you're silent but it's unnerving to have you not blog this long.

Is everything ok?

11/16/2006 10:06:00 AM  
Blogger Roonie said...

Come-a come back!

11/18/2006 12:38:00 AM  

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