Currylingus

The holidays are here and I am positively beat. Since the October long weekend I have had been solidifying my routine of working an average of 43 hours a week, spending 15 hours a week traveling/reading/listening to tunes (that's how I manage to consume so many books and albums) and just sticking it to the man every weekend. I had the dreaded review this morning and it went great, heard some very very good news. This long weekend will be my first holiday and I am looking forward to it like a bebe to a teat. Exactly like a bebe to a teat. The teat being Cee Pee's home in Stratford (known as The Rat). Rajbo and myself are going down to hang and it will be my first Acadian-German-Canadian traditional Christmas. Yay!

We leave tomorrow morning on the VIA train. Best not go on strike fuckers, mama needs a vacation. No blogging till Tuesday but I'll be back with armload of pictures of Cee Pee and his family arguing around the breakfast table in their drawers. Until then please have a look at this here doggy and take care of you and yours:

SEXFIGHTS

Is it fighting? Or is it sexing?




PUSHING GARBAGE

Do this earth a favour, compact that shit. P-Push it real good.



NOT DRINKING FROM CANS

Cans are weak.




SPIEWAK

Because Rajbo has one and now I want one too.



DAL

Lentils are your friend. Even at three in the morning.



YOUNG BOYS

Oh yeah, they are eager to please.



CHERUBIC DJs

Innocent looks got you shook.

[please note the drunk dancing]



PARTY CREW

Clockwise from Rajbo (lame titles may change daily): Brainy, Arty, Comedy, Sexy, and Silly. With your powers combined I am Captain Planet...I mean Party!



YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST.

Remember that dude who was looking for a lady that would kick him in the balls for $100 an hour? Well, he wrote again a couple of weeks ago:

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Luke
Date: Nov 26, 2005 1:22 PM

No sex, no nudity, just an open-mind and an ability to kick a guy in the balls. That's it!!! Sounds like fun? provided up-front at all times.

If you're interested, give me a shout and I will respond as soon as possible.

Thanks, Well, now you can make serious money - $100 an hour every time. There is no catch and the money is
Luke

Ideal Person: A dominant young woman, with a bitchy attitude who knows how to treat a submissive(i.e. like dirt!).
---------------------------------------------------

That is the exact same letter as last time but his profile pictures have grown in quantity. Not only that, in every picture of "him" getting kicked in the balls the girls are wildly hot. Have a look:



So, curiosity gets the better of me and I shoot back an email:

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: currylingus
Date: Dec 8, 2005 11:39 AM

For reals? Can I bring my bodyguard? Do you really let people kick your balls around for a whole hour? Or does that part just take 2 seconds? I'm curious? Am I part of a mass email campaign or do I just look like a bitch?
---------------------------------------------------

The response quite frankly came as a surprise. This is My Space we're talking about, home of the Mannimal Assahaurus who is defined by an overly generous self-image and a crude neadrathal linguistic capacity. This below reopens is actually better worded than most of the messages I get from dudes that aren't even looking for a kick in the junk:

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Luke
Date: Nov 26, 2005 1:22 PM
RE: RE: $100/HR. TO KICK A GUY IN THE NUTS!!! INTERESTED?(TORONTO) Body: Hi currylingus;


Thank you kindly for responding to my ad. Yes , I am very serious about doing this - in fact, I have done it for over three years.

Of course, you are welcome to bring someone along to accompany you to the session and you can even bring another participant if you wish(more details about this below). And, indeed, the entire one hour session does involve kicking. Lastly, you were selected on a more or less random basis, however, your pictures were helpful in making that decision(I will leave the question of whether I feel you look like bitch aside, since its possible that this comment will leave me in a no-win situation). However, here are some further details that will help you in making your decision.

Well, the premise of these sessions is quite simple, really. To be blunt, your main task is to kick and stomp me in the balls. That's it! In recognition of your time (anywhere from 45 to 60 minutes) and effort you will be paid $100, upfront.

Typically, the first questions participants have about this session is both when and where can such an activity take place. The former depends upon our schedule, of course, but generally I myself am free on any weekends towards the evening hours.

As to the latter question, I always aim to select a neutral venue outside where it is both safe and discreet for both parties involved. Most frequently, the location of choice is at my school's campus @ York University (Keele/Steeles) on a small baseball field that is nice and open, but without any pedestrians. So far, I've had over 10 sessions there that went very well, without any interruptions. However, if you have another suitable (safe & private) location in mind that you are more comfortable with then please let me know.

I am always open to any questions or suggestions that you may have.

Thanks,
Luke

P.S. Sometimes participants want to bring a friend along to help them out and because it makes them feel more comfortable. If you have a friend that may be interested, you may bring her along as well. If this occurs, the payment is still $100 (for both) but the session is only 30 minutes long.
---------------------------------------------------

Yesterday I recieved another email from him asking whether I was still interested. There is no way in hell I'm trekking up to Keele & Steeles to kick a dude in the nads out in the middle of a baseball field. I am however...Interested. Ladies, I'm looking at you hardest, Bird, is anyone up for a photoshoot? Can I use your pr0n dungeon for this task, Cee Pee? Is anyone willing to provide a posse while someone kicks Luke and someone takes pictures? C'mon, make your parents proud...

Uff. Uffuffuff. I am in a wicked introspective mood and I think it may be due to subtle manic depression. Not quite Robin Williams yet, don't worry. This bit of brood has been brought to you by "Sad Songs of Kishore Kumar". Indeed, good tunes for a bad Monday. Let us glance back to happier days, like Friday.

Now I know that many of you who know me through this blog and all of you who know me through Flickr think of me mainly as an animal that parties a lot. Nothing could be further from the truth. I do however like to take pictures of my friends partying a lot while I accompany them solely for professional reasons. See, I used to live in the boonies, the stix, the suburbs, NORTH YORK. My movement from Keele & Finch to Queen West has taken over two years, mind-numbing weekends, numerous domestic brawls due to cabin fever, and a toll on my sanity. Rajbo and I have survived, we have conquered urban sprawl, a complete lack of kin relations, insane roommates, and each other. If there ever was a time to spend all weekend dancing my ass off then that time is bloody well NOW.

On that note, this past weekend was good times. Friday was the Press Pause show, they turned their living room into an art gallery. It was intense, the carpet had been ripped out and the walls were covered with awesome products of serious talent. I bought the spade:



Wish I wasn’t such a broke ass so I could have given them more support and given my walls something to call their own. The house was full and the vodkees were flowing. There was some amazing slow dancing...with people and bottles:



I didn’t get a picture of Bird getting rowdy (that happens when the dancing stops), boo, that shit was hot. I’m cultivating a Photo-Face, like Lindsey Lohag’s, so that I look the exact same in every picture like in the below picture with Seven. The look is called Tuck n Peek, thanks Cee Pee. I would also like Homesick to be present in every background.



Cee Pee, we cannot be in the same picture again for at least 2 weeks (I can't be in any more pictures, period). We look like total camera hoors. And we have the same looks on our faces every time. I watch too much America's Next Top Model, what's your excuse?

For shame, I did not watch the debates on Friday as a result of severe claustrophobia with hints of politicophobia and a need to drink alcohol to thaw my frozen body. I've been reading around for coverage and a sweet dish caught my eye this morn. Dhaavak has a healthy helping of excellent debate commentary: "He looks like that guy with pony tail who used to sell ab-strengther on late nite." Heee. No prizes for guessing who that refers to.

I still haven't seen the last one, which they said would be the final one but some claim they might have lied. Just so you can get to know me better I have highlighted the two things that I most love to think about when I'm sitting in a field and chewing on a blade of grass with a far-away look in my eye:

Star Trek captains William Shatner, Patrick Stewart and Scott Bakula are set to join forces in a new movie. The trio will reportedly star in the unnamed film that will be set in the 'mirror universe', which was featured in both the Next Generation and Enterprise TV series. [Link]

This could all just be another great big lie because Shatner going back to Trek after winning an Emmy seems unlikely. A girl can sit in fields and dream though can't she?

Courtesy Digg, OH MY GOOD GOD I FEEL SO SMART WHEN I PLAY WITH THE STAR TREK LCARS INTERFACE (view full screen). If you're rolling your eyes and wanting to skip over the link then YOU ARE MISSING OUT ON THE MOST FUN YOU HAVE EVER HAD. Now if you have a sweet set up or access to a hi-tech lab then load this baby on your surround-LCD screens and make your own damn movie. Jeez. The possibilities are endless. Is this what all the walls in heaven look like? I'm flying! I'm not much of a viddy game girl, can you tell?

Hold me close, Patrick, this ship's about blast off!

Thanks for your comments everyone. I wasn't too sure about the amount of interest in this election but seems to me like we have all got a piece and a half to say. Nice.

Vijay, thanks for taking the time and letting us know of your future plans. Your projects in India sound interesting, can we score some details perhaps? I'm looking forward to some more blogging from your end (whatever scraps you can put together are good enough!), to be fair it wasn't a Canadian political post that got me interested...your recent piece on Kashmir got me hooked. Kashmir is looked at as a brutal state of stalemate for most followers of the conflict here. Choosing to focus on an individual makes more sense to me than drawing out over-chewed arguments of India vs. Pakistan, Hindu vs. Muslim, etc. You are very right, stories like Mohammed Akram's could prove vital in spreading the word of peace (not to mention prosperity through peace). Instead, such lives and ambitions are stunted by short-sighted governments and largely ignored by the press, both within/surrounding the region in question as well as abroad.

As for Iggy...*swoon*. I appreciate his experience and his smarts especially when it comes to international politics. Since I started hearing his name and doing a bit of Googling around I have really warmed to his approach on some things. His article, last year, for the New York Times 'On Iraq' was honest and worthy of respect. Though I had very different views on the matter at the time I find our ideals becoming similar aftermath. This is about where my knowledge of all things Ignatieff ends. It doesn't surprise me that he has had a rough ride since his nomination dropped though a lot of it has been due to unnecessary controversy. Similar to Ananthan's comments, I too feel a little perturbed by his Non-resident Canadian persona. He isn't running in my riding but if he were you can be sure this is the first thing that would put me off. Basically, for him to do well in the position he would have to familiarize himself with all things Etobicoke-Lakeshore at lightning speed. This can't be easy, it takes some people *ahem* months to realize that Etobicoke has a 'coke' in it. Would one have to make a blind leap of faith to get over this unfortunate circumstance?

This is Ontario, we have award-winning rocket scientists from China and PhDs from India working at What A Bagels because they don't have any Canadian experience. Why would we have to make an exception for the Liberal party, especially for the position of MP? There is also a case for the dismal representation of women in the Liberal government. While I am not an advocate of gender quotas of any kind in Canada, I find it hard to swallow that of all the ridings out there the choice one had to be Jean Augustine's hood. I would have stepped down too if I had been offered a position as Special Advisor to my country of birth so good for her, it is our loss. Of all the Liberal-related news I have read today the sole news item concerning a woman was of Carolyn Parrish. That drama queen needs to make a hasty exit from my news.

There are many questions surrounding Ignatieff's campaign and I would love to meet him to see what he has to say...as would a few people reading this I imagine.

P.S. The title of this post has nothing to do with the post itself, it is just a great quote.

One

It is cold. I wear long underwear over regular briefs. Leather boots. A hat. A scarf. Two gloves. Baby oil. Lotion. Duvet coat. Tee and sweater and denim. You think hijab is bad? I'm trying hard not to buy myself a balaclava.



Two

"Do you have a marker?"
"I'll mark them off with a blade."

Secrets was a great big success. DJs were fabulous. Cryo played DJ Assault for a while. I've never heard that shit outside someone's house. Tried to dance as much as I could while hassling people for $ at the door. MP3 informed me of his friend who needed adding to the guestlist, "He used to be in Wave, you can't miss him!". I missed him. I didn't know which member it was so kept looking for brunette or blonde, really young-looking. Anyway, he had to pay because I'm a hardass and even Wave don't get no v.i.p. love from the likes of me. Bird came and took over the door for a bit then we just left it and went to dance the rest of night away. A break battle ensued as we watched from the sidelines like gymnastics judges, "oh, terrible formation...wow, nice lines...tight spinning position...". Geeky white dude with odd outfit and stringy hair pretty much schooled everyone.

K-os walked into the bar, up to the DJ, stood, then walked to a corner away from prying eyes. Cee Pee, I know you didn't think it was such a big deal but guy, K-OS WAS AT YOUR DO. This means that your party was interesting enough for someone who told someone else who told K-os and he actually picked his fancy feet up and came over to see what all the fuss was about.

The cutest DJ I've ever seen, Chiclet, with Cee Pee. She needs to start playing electro on a regular basis and forget that trance (I can barely say the word) habitat because she's damn good and I want more.



Three

Rajbo's hot when he's bathed in eerie light.



Four

The CN Tower is my favourite place to eat lunch.







Five

Pictures are up on ze Flickr.

To the Emirates crew, your loss is as good as mine, here are a few proxy bypass sites that you can use to look at dirty things online, including Flickr...

- Poxy
- Chemikaze
- Tech Takeover
- and my personal fav if you can get past the proxy with this name, Pimp my IP

Don't let them bastards drag you down! Ahem, that would be my final message to the children for today...

Update

Folks, looks like the Shittysalat goons have blocked all above proxy bypass links. Thanks, JJ for finding one that works: anti-boredom. Here is the Google list if anyone wants to hunt for more out of the goodness of their big, fat hearts.

The election is neigh! The people are ready! RICK MERCER IS BLOGGING!

Michael Ignatieff is already a member of my heart's parliament but that special place will change owners real quick if Vijay Sappani ever decides to run. His blog is great, some posts are crossed at that hi-so cocktail party called IntentBlog.

Another read I've been digging due to some wicked analysis and a really cute name is Pample the Moose. It was only a few days ago that I noticed where and what the author is, a post-doc fellow in Canadian studies at Mount Allison University. Hark the marshes call from afar. HOLLA! Yes, I really hope he follows his stats back to the 'holla'.

Finally, I like Politics Watch. I lurve me an election, y'all.

So, last week was a test of endurance. Not physically, because I'm dead weak other than at arm wrestling, but psychologically. Issues that I wish I could spew but cannot for fear of doocedom. Grumble grumble. This blog is half secret half open. I haven't tried to keep it secret and if certain parties (Hi Mum/Dad, I love you!) became privy to my verbiage through google then so be it. It will be a relief and I'd like to keep it that way. I'll just tell you about last week's crowning jewel instead.

Saturday night was keeping me excited all week and it did not let me down. People, if Lady Sovereign is playing in your area (especially with Ghislain Poirier) then GO. There is something nice and innocent about Sov. Jailbait! She's a little thing with a sweet face but her attitude is pure cheek. I suppose she hasn't been jaded by thousands of audiences so her rapport with the crowd is very down to earth. Between songs she chatted and guffawed with the audience, I heard "What smells? I think it's me...Pringles!", I also heard "I don't want your drink, it looks like PISS!". She also got HIT IN THE FACE WITH A CD because some dumbass thought it would be a nice present but she just shrugged that shit off like "you don't know me, I could kick your ass with one hand, bitch!". Umm, hello, would you like to be my child-bride, Sov? I'll buy you lots of fake gold and Pernod, baby.

Besides the 'tude Sov has her shit together when it comes to performing. There aren't many MCs that can claim to be just as good live as in audio. Too bad her next album will probably be bubblegum but good for her, there is $ to be made with Def Jam fo sho. I'm glad I got to see her when I did otherwise it would have been another M.I.A. fiasco (she played that ho, The Drake, on her 1st TO run and her 2nd run was impossible to score). Here's a shaky clip of Sov being amazing:



As for Ghislain Poirier, he is my new favourite shit. I had heard one of his tunes before the show but his set has got me craving. He was phenomenal at the tables. Like me, the crowd didn't look too familiar with him but he had us shaking that floor within minutes. I stalked him on My Space and found his regularly updated page, which is awesome. Not like Prince, hmph, that fucker hasn't been on in months. Anyway, his website has some really good audio, DL the Masala Mix, some sitars, some Arab drums, and a whole lotta big beats...also the Neneh Cherry - Buffalo Stance remix viddy is super. Love this cat. Cee Pee, can't you convince him to play at the lowly Queenshead? It isn't high profile but we'll make it worth his while...what with all the afro porn and cheap booze...he would be silly to resist, tabarnac!

After the show we stood around outside watching a very inebriated Claudio make new friends with random people. Some Londoner was passing around flyers to a grime show at the boat, his friend had a really cheesy boombox built into his backpack that was on full force. Wish I had one of them bags. Then we headed to The Boat for the latest installment of FUCKFACES. Good DJs, great party, stankyass venue. Yes it does really look like a boat, it also smells like a boat, like the bottom part of a boat, where there are no windows. Peectures of the night are up on trusty Flickr. The best part about the night was my sweet Rajbo's presence, it has been ages since we last danced like maniacs together.

As always, I'm already deadly excited for next weekend. Saturday at The Queenshead, Secrets...shhhhh.



Come say hello, I'll be at the door with Bird, asking for money and getting free drinks. Stellar!

The Lord Almighty, sometimes known as David Byrne, has been slapped with a warning by those heathen RIAA fools for playing more than 4 Missy tracks within a certain amount of time. From his wicked site:

… they may have confused streaming with downloading — in the same way that people often confuse downloading with file sharing. They are afraid that even if it's not downloadable somehow if a fan knows there will be 3 Missy songs at a given time they can prepare their gear and tape them. The assumption being that sale is lost.

Is there a higher licensing fee I could pay to allow me to do this? (I currently pay a statutory fee to stream this stuff.) Is there a reason a radio station can play Springsteen ‘round the clock but I can’t stream Missy Elliot? Answer: You CAN pay for this, Dave. However, you would have to license every song separately, and pay for each one too, instead of as a lump sum, as you do now.

Rot in commercial hell with your black hearts, you RIAA dementors. I would check out the Missy playlist, it’s good shit. His radio is no longer streaming so I would also give out massive wails while reading November’s menu. Cheryl Lynn, Rick James, Sheila E., Laid Back, Commodores, Indeep, both Jermaines (Jackson/Stewart), and MUTHERFECKING CAMEO to name a few.

How about another picture to show him we love him no matter what the RIAA say?