Currylingus

The Gomery Report. Kill me now before I chew my fingers off in frustration. We have been waiting for over a year for a conclusion and now its arrival is making me angry. The end to a story about a gentle nation, a restless province, corrupted power, and taxpayer’s money. All the right ingredients for disaster.

The sponsorship program was set up after a referendum on Quebec separation, which just barely failed, to boost the cause of Canadian federalism in Quebec. A few Quebec advertising firms received richa$$ federal contracts (eg. kazillions for placing a 2-inch maple leaf on a race car) and then kicked some of the cash back to the Liberal Party’s Quebec wing.

Notice some repetition in the above paragraph? Take into consideration that this is a scandal consuming the entire nation. What is freaky about the above paragraph? Think geography, entire country vs. parts of the country. Quebec. What has Quebec fallen prey to? What kind of unreasonable provincial government says, “Hey you, give me my own country but I’ll keep your currency and I’m keepin’ them Indian lands even though they don't want to stay”! Quebec. What kind of pansy federal government says, “ok, here's the pre-nup now let's vote”! The Liberal government.

The Gomery Report is the logical conclusion to a holy mess that began with cries of Quebec sovereignty. At its conception, Ad Scam was a national scandal as much as my student loan is everyone’s problem.

The referendum was not for Alberta. The separatist cronies are not from B.C. The Mafioso running the scene behind the scene is not based in goddamn Saskatchewan. The only thing national about the referendum aftermath is money. Money from national coffers.

Leave Quebec aside, what happened after the vote did not need any separatist sentiment as fuel. The Liberals failed at negotiations before the referendum and they failed to do absolutely anything about activities of their shady representatives in Quebec. How does a Canadian government manage to detonate scandal in such a fragile zone? I will tell you, they use incredible powers of idiocy to hire mob goons and put them in charge of oodles of money! Ok, so I have no hard evidence supporting the mob claims but one of the key players, Gagliano, was written up in a New York newspaper as being affiliated with an American crime family. I do not have any reason to doubt it. Did you see him on the witness stand? HE IS A GOON. Babies screamed across the land when his testimony was televised! Just read the who’s who in the G & M, reads like those character lists in every Perry Mason novel, but with fewer ‘good guys’.

Shee-it. Sad part is that I can finally relate to French-Canadians wanting to be rid of the Liberals. However their votes are going to go towards the the Bloc Quebecois and those fools are just biding their time until the next referendum. The asinine Bloc does not even have an English version of their website even though EVERY SINGLY FEDERAL SITE IS WRITTEN IN BOTH ENGLIGH AND FRENCH. Petty petty petty. Way to have “Respect for the Rights of the English-speaking Community”. I just do not get it. Quebec is still a part of Canada but I cannot work there because I do not speak any French. If I wanted to go to university there, I would have to pay more than a Quebec resident. I would not be able to get on a Quebec health plan even if I was going to live there for a few years. Does that not sound sovereign enough? Tabarnac!

The rest of the country is forced to either tell Quebec to fuck right off or give them more treats. The media and the Liberals look like they are going to stick with the latter option. I fear it will not work this time. Worst-case scenario would mean another referendum and this time that shit is going to pass. My imagination does not even extend beyond that point.

As much as I loathe the Conservatives for their backward and intolerant social policies, I have to say they have a damn good chance at winning next year’s federal election. How sickening. Sure, his government will probably take a tougher line on Quebec but ‘Prime Minister Harper’, just the name makes me want to go into deep slumber. In addition, for the sake of clarity, you feeble Liberal government, Canada is about much more than Quebec. How unsettling to see it being reduced to this one argument every few years. Word to the separatists who are still harping about their "New France" roots: They gave your asses up in 1763 to the Brits in favor of sunny beaches and sugarcane in Guadalupe. I wonder how much sovereignty the Bloc could handle if it was based on a condition of self-government for Nunavik?

So there you have it. It all began with and will end with, Quebec. Where the depaneurs sell beer till late, the poutine is extra greasy, the people are supremely styling, the feel is old world, the clubs are killer, the Hells Angels still run things, the Lebanese population makes me feel at home, the accents are awesome, the skiing is better than Ontario, and the politicians feed on sovereignty like pickpockets on a morning-rush bus. Quebecois, you lovely, warm and exuberant people, your names have been dragged through the mud, your politicians have been gutted by the mob and all of our minds have been poisoned by politics.