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We have serious bitchues

November 03, 2005

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The Gomery Report. Kill me now before I chew my fingers off in frustration. We have been waiting for over a year for a conclusion and now its arrival is making me angry. The end to a story about a gentle nation, a restless province, corrupted power, and taxpayer’s money. All the right ingredients for disaster.

The sponsorship program was set up after a referendum on Quebec separation, which just barely failed, to boost the cause of Canadian federalism in Quebec. A few Quebec advertising firms received richa$$ federal contracts (eg. kazillions for placing a 2-inch maple leaf on a race car) and then kicked some of the cash back to the Liberal Party’s Quebec wing.

Notice some repetition in the above paragraph? Take into consideration that this is a scandal consuming the entire nation. What is freaky about the above paragraph? Think geography, entire country vs. parts of the country. Quebec. What has Quebec fallen prey to? What kind of unreasonable provincial government says, “Hey you, give me my own country but I’ll keep your currency and I’m keepin’ them Indian lands even though they don't want to stay”! Quebec. What kind of pansy federal government says, “ok, here's the pre-nup now let's vote”! The Liberal government.

The Gomery Report is the logical conclusion to a holy mess that began with cries of Quebec sovereignty. At its conception, Ad Scam was a national scandal as much as my student loan is everyone’s problem.

The referendum was not for Alberta. The separatist cronies are not from B.C. The Mafioso running the scene behind the scene is not based in goddamn Saskatchewan. The only thing national about the referendum aftermath is money. Money from national coffers.

Leave Quebec aside, what happened after the vote did not need any separatist sentiment as fuel. The Liberals failed at negotiations before the referendum and they failed to do absolutely anything about activities of their shady representatives in Quebec. How does a Canadian government manage to detonate scandal in such a fragile zone? I will tell you, they use incredible powers of idiocy to hire mob goons and put them in charge of oodles of money! Ok, so I have no hard evidence supporting the mob claims but one of the key players, Gagliano, was written up in a New York newspaper as being affiliated with an American crime family. I do not have any reason to doubt it. Did you see him on the witness stand? HE IS A GOON. Babies screamed across the land when his testimony was televised! Just read the who’s who in the G & M, reads like those character lists in every Perry Mason novel, but with fewer ‘good guys’.

Shee-it. Sad part is that I can finally relate to French-Canadians wanting to be rid of the Liberals. However their votes are going to go towards the the Bloc Quebecois and those fools are just biding their time until the next referendum. The asinine Bloc does not even have an English version of their website even though EVERY SINGLY FEDERAL SITE IS WRITTEN IN BOTH ENGLIGH AND FRENCH. Petty petty petty. Way to have “Respect for the Rights of the English-speaking Community”. I just do not get it. Quebec is still a part of Canada but I cannot work there because I do not speak any French. If I wanted to go to university there, I would have to pay more than a Quebec resident. I would not be able to get on a Quebec health plan even if I was going to live there for a few years. Does that not sound sovereign enough? Tabarnac!

The rest of the country is forced to either tell Quebec to fuck right off or give them more treats. The media and the Liberals look like they are going to stick with the latter option. I fear it will not work this time. Worst-case scenario would mean another referendum and this time that shit is going to pass. My imagination does not even extend beyond that point.

As much as I loathe the Conservatives for their backward and intolerant social policies, I have to say they have a damn good chance at winning next year’s federal election. How sickening. Sure, his government will probably take a tougher line on Quebec but ‘Prime Minister Harper’, just the name makes me want to go into deep slumber. In addition, for the sake of clarity, you feeble Liberal government, Canada is about much more than Quebec. How unsettling to see it being reduced to this one argument every few years. Word to the separatists who are still harping about their "New France" roots: They gave your asses up in 1763 to the Brits in favor of sunny beaches and sugarcane in Guadalupe. I wonder how much sovereignty the Bloc could handle if it was based on a condition of self-government for Nunavik?

So there you have it. It all began with and will end with, Quebec. Where the depaneurs sell beer till late, the poutine is extra greasy, the people are supremely styling, the feel is old world, the clubs are killer, the Hells Angels still run things, the Lebanese population makes me feel at home, the accents are awesome, the skiing is better than Ontario, and the politicians feed on sovereignty like pickpockets on a morning-rush bus. Quebecois, you lovely, warm and exuberant people, your names have been dragged through the mud, your politicians have been gutted by the mob and all of our minds have been poisoned by politics.

posted by Neha
11:36 AM


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I do agree totally we are being held hostage by Quebec, but unfortunately it doesnt stop there.
Alberta has and will continue to speak of separation especially as they continue see an increase in their coffers. That in all honesty is a bigger threat than the departure of Quebec as there is a greater chance that they would join the United States as a protectorate or such. A question that needs to be asked is whether we have to continue to placate Quebec and its inhabitants and whether its even worth it. Yes Canada needs Quebec and Quebec needs Canada. How do we let them know there is no chance of them having their culture endangered?? It is a tough feat seeing as 98% of territories in North America are primarily english speaking.

Essentially We here in Canada are fucked as we are constantly plagued by regionalism. Lookit the division between Northern and Southern Ontario. The division between eastern and western Canada. All we can do is hope that we instill a sense of pride to all incoming immigrants so that this long standing stubborn pride and regionalism dissipates.

I dont think that the conservatives will be taking over the house as the Liberals still hold the majority and frankly they are just too frightening to the majority of people with their social conservation.

Fuck, its kind of a pain in the ass. I dont feel like ive said anything. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!

11/03/2005 03:39:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I forgot to mention that an independent Alberta would be financially sound whereas an independent Quebec is not plausible at all. Please please prove me otherwise, im sure its possible.

11/03/2005 03:41:00 PM  
Blogger Neha said...

I couldn't stop thinking about Alberta while writing this post. Wondering if I would be writing something similar about Alberta in another 10 years. You're right, they have much more to gain by going solo, which is why that war will be fought entirely and openly for economic profit.

Thing is, the powerful people invovled in Fed vs. Quebec are probably involved in a similar conflict. I don't think that some idealized self-government is calling them to action. I think it is money, greed, and power impressing activities on both ends. As mere members of the public we have no way of knowing who is getting how much to say wut wut.

The one reason that it would be a terrible loss doesn't have anything to do with Quebec. It would cut off Atlantic Canada completely in the event a sovereign Quebec decides to impose taxes on vehicles carrying goods across its borders or some other bitchass $making scheme of the same sort. Canada East is in enough trouble as it is.

Also, Nunivuk will go back to being raped without any land rights (ok, that's a little harsh but it COULD happen).

I'm so glad you mentioned the immigrants because the immigrants are key in forming any standard of national unity at this point (also key increasing population from size of Indian village to size of real country). Too bad the fucking conservatives don't see too kindly to their types. In Ontario, that is probably the only association that keeps people from voting for them too. Most immigrants are socially and economically conservative but they sure as hell don't want to be told they can't bring more family over.

Wow, me too I've said nothing! Woo hoo, Canadian politics rawks!

11/03/2005 05:33:00 PM  
Blogger Neha said...

"Please please prove me otherwise, im sure its possible."

Well, if Montreal just expanded and Quebec turned into a MASSIVE orgy province of strippers and sex and MUTEK and fries and gravy and cheese...wait, no...yes, and hot sauce, then it would overtake Alberta oil earnings for sure.

11/03/2005 05:37:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Should that happen they would also have a massive monopoly on CeePee.
Thats the truth.

11/03/2005 05:57:00 PM  

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