Currylingus

My mummy said I could do anything I wanted when I grew up, as long as I worked hard. Too bad I didn't understand 'work hard' to mean 'get off your ass and do something QUICK'. My dream is now someone else's reality:

Calling Deuce Bigalow and gigolos everywhere: Heidi Fleiss needs you. The former Hollywood madam plans to open a "rooster ranch" - a brothel catering to women - in Nevada.
"I am opening up a stud farm," Ms Fleiss told the Associated Press. "I'm going to have the sexiest men on earth. Women are going to love it."

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Dammit, Heidi, you have to ruin everything don't you? With your big budget and fancy ranch and notorious celebrity status. What about us little people? Mostly me, with my big dream (mine is way bigger than yours) and no budget and only four he-hos (I mean, escorts) on the roster. You sneak, these words fell from my own mouth, how they reached your pointy ears I will never know:

"Women are more independent these days," said Ms Fleiss. "They make more money and it's hard to meet people. You wouldn't believe the number of women who've told me, 'Heidi, if you do this, I'll be the first one in line'. I mean, relationships are harder than dieting - you know what I mean?"

Since wishing ill fortune on others isn't my thing I'll give you one piece of advice, ditch the douchebag partner. Mr. Richards is clearly not well-versed with the term 'independent' and its relation to women:

Mr Richards said: "Say a guy gets into an argument with his wife. What does he do? Lot of times, he goes out, gets a drink, goes to a place to be serviced. Now, women can say, 'Hey, if you can do it, I can, too'."

Oy yoy. Ten bucks says he isn't married. So, Heidi, I'm not doing anything too hectic for the next little bit, hook a sista up (like in the old days)!

Cee Pee, Homesick, Fraiser, Ringo...we have work to do. Get polishing on your cooking, dancing, and sensual massage skills. I'll take a walk around the block to see if any rich, lonely ladies need a date. You can use my living room until we find a nice ranch.