Currylingus

I thought of going out on a high note, severely doubting the chance of this type of traffic coming my way again...then I watched the MTV VMAs. Had my heart not skipped a beat, had my brain not blown a fuse, I would not be here writing this today. That's a huge lie but let me just wax dramatic for a moment. Hell, let me let R. Kelly wax dramatic for a moment...

He looks at the closet
I pull out my Beretta
He walks up to the closet
He comes up to the closet
Now he's at the closet
Now he's opening the closet...

Oh, that's hot, guy, can I come up to your room? Do you have a digi-cam? Am I too old? Here let me recite some more, then you'll see how much I admire your mad skillz:

*ahem hemhem*

She said you know my girl roxanne
I said who the hell is roxanne
Then she says roxanne's a friend of mine
Who knows this guy name Chuck
Chuck's cool with this guy named Rufus
And I'm sitting there like what the fuck
Then she says Rufus wife Cathy
We both went to high school

PREACH, DADDY. Really, you must pay your dues to this work of (f)art, read the entire collection, Part 1-5. The critics are crying foul but R.rrrrrr, you are loved still fo' sho':

This song and video combination was perhaps a sign the apocalypse is coming. R. Kelly has obviously sold his soul and did not get very much for it this video was the only return on his investment. I can't imagine where to begin crucifying this load of crap. The lyrics are cheesy and over dramatic, not to mention most babble pointlessly. The video is horribly acted and if R.Kelly considers this art, he should have his arms and legs ripped off and be left in a hill of starving fire ants. - comment 42 by Jake

All day today I've been on the hunt for some stills from last night's show. Just one sweet picture of Kelly's wankass, lip-synched, "one man show", dramady Bull Shit. A while ago I saw this complete gem posted on a blog that deserves a standing ovation, fourfour:



Bra-fucking-vo, fourfour, call that shit by its god-given name, "Douchebag of the Night". Did I mention that Kelly performed without any props, on a dark stage, by himself, and with no talent whatsoever? I should've gotten paid platinum for watching. YOU HEAR ME, MTV, YOU BASTION OF SHAMELESS GARBAGE? On the plus side, M.C.Hammer was paid 10 bucks to jump around for 2 seconds to an 'updated' version of U Can't Touch This. While Diddy screamed, "Dance, monkey, DANCE!".

For those who really want to howl in tears, czech the next post and have a listen to "Bob & Whit - Born to be Wild". It's like smoking crack without the pipe...or the actual crack. Amazing. Yeah, for us geezers without Bravo, fourfour is a daily necessity, after all don't you want to know what it's like to be Bobby Brown? Note: If you're thinking "no" then quit lying to yourself.