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Baby did a bad, bad thing

November 25, 2005

A few months ago I was conversing with an old friend of mine, Geeta, who moved back to India (Chennai) after high school. We were discussing the pros and cons of our respective environments and Geeta had concluded that moving back home was the best decision she had ever made. In fact, it was one she could never see herself reversing even if the chance presented itself in the future. She found it strange that I would want to stay so far away from home and was convinced I was missing out. Though I spent a few years of my childhood in Canada, I never considered it to be home. Home was always Dubai and ultimately, India. Nevertheless I have never thought myself capable of living and working in India for periods longer than a year or two and nowadays I can barely imagine doing Dubai for a lifetime. I think Geeta always felt that my sense of familiarity would ultimately make me return, not to Dubai even but to India.

Geeta and I are similar in many ways, we took the same subjects in school, got similar grades, read a lot of books, like the same types of movies, and crack the same tired jokes. I don't think it is similarities that lead people to move to certain countries, cities, or neighborhoods over others. It is what is different between us that dictates our movement. Geeta is my age, has never dated, is married to a man of her mother's choosing, goes to the temple every week, doesn't drink, makes a tasty spread from scratch after work everyday, and doesn't swear, ever. She is also very happy, I might add. I feel great difficulty in explaining to her why I like it here so much especially because we have very different lifestyles. My problem becomes wording my argument delicately with as little crass and sex involved as possible. The word 'independence' keeps repeating itself and Geets is getting real good at shooting it down.

"Independent of what? Your parents? People have jobs here too you know?"

"Not my parents. Not money-wise. I'm talking social."

"What social? Like you just want to go out with guys without having to give excuses? You can do that!"

"Not that specifically, just generally, like I want to be able to know people who aren't afraid of doing things in a different way."

"I have this aunt who got divorced even though she lived in a small town and people talked but she did it, it's possible."

"Great. The fact that a divorce is enough to shake shit up is kind of proving my point. Anyway, I was talking about social policy. Perhaps some laws against treating hermaphrodites like pond-scum, for instance."

"Oh shut up, that doesn't even affect you."

"I know but I don't want to deal with a place where I or you or whoever can't do or say what they want...within reason."

"So what, gays can't get married in the U.S."

"One more reason for either of us not to move there then."

...on it went. All examples of riots, communal violence, strikes, whatever were thrown back with a feisty "but YOU have winter and darkness and no family and no diwali and so many taxes", etc. What I really wanted to say is that IT IS FUCKING OK FOR WOMEN TO HAVE BASTARD PREMARITAL FUCKING SEX AND TO DO IT AS MANY FUCKING TIMES AS IS HUMANLY POSSIBLE IN A GOD DAMN DAY AS LONG AS THEY ARE USING A BLESSED CONDOM, YOU HYPOCRITE FUCKS.

I was pleased to hear cries of support from my English, Pakistani, and Russian neighbors after screaming the above sentance while reading the following news:
A popular south Indian actress has been pelted with sandals, tomatoes and rotten eggs and hauled before court for telling Indian men not to expect their brides to be virgins anymore. Khushboo, a 35-year-old star of Tamil language movies, told a magazine in September there was nothing wrong with premarital sex -- as long as it was protected sex. She is now out on $100 bail, and banned from making any more public comments or giving interviews. The married mother of two is due back in court in a little over two weeks, although it remains unclear whether or not she has broken any law.

The controversy was picked up by conservative political and community groups, who staged rowdy demonstrations and filed more than two dozen defamation and public interest suits, including one accusing her of "corrupting innocence".

...she gained a tremendous following in Tamil movies as a heroine in sexy song-and-dance films. Adoring fans have built temples in her honour.

But it's not the first time she has been embroiled in a scandal in deeply conservative India. In a bid to breathe life into her Hindi film career, she once appeared on the cover of a film magazine kissing another actress -- one of India's first public shots of women kissing.
The way to a righteous life...watch the nasty, throw much-needed food at people when they actually talk about what they see, then wail about lost innocence. Wankers.

posted by Neha
4:08 PM


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here, Here.
We've got it down to such a fine art here in Canada. Now we are only concerned with fickle (yet important, none the less) matters. Its very easy to take most of our rights for granted when we havent faced any other laws or structures.
Best part is most of us, me included, are not satisfied. Spose thats the beauty of human nature and democracy (or whatever this structure is).

11/25/2005 04:47:00 PM  
Blogger Neha said...

First of all...how the hell do you comment so fast after I've posted, it is some freaky shit!

We live in a mostly secular, capitalist society that like to play dress up with socialism. This is fine by me. Means that we can eats buckets of KFC and walk around TO in assless chaps and shirtless backs. Not that I do either of those things but I COULD IF I WANTED TO.

Well, some times I wear the chaps.

11/25/2005 05:13:00 PM  
Blogger Anang said...

Rss feeds is how we post so fast. That is exactly what I want to yell to every uncle and aunty I meet who always talk bullshit about values or some other shit about preserving culture/innocence.

11/25/2005 05:16:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ja man. The difference between India and Canada is that here I can walk unmolested by myself and make eye contact with people and have a straight back. Even the "ooh-its-so-hip-here" Bangalore has the same fucked up mentality of moral policing and sexual harrassment is rampant even though they call it "eve teasing!" I did an internship in Bangalore this summer and almost returned a basket case. Things are changing blah blah blah.. but I think all the idealism of wanting to go to India to live and work has been slapped right out of me.
Check out this art/protest/organisation project that a friend is running in Bangalore against "eve teasing." http://blanknoiseproject.blogspot.com
Neha: I am a friend of J from Calgary. He keeps on telling me how fantastically we will get along. We should go for a beer or something sometime.

11/25/2005 09:09:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Reminds me of good old EAST IS EAST movie.
I think anyone born or brought up in Dubai is a clueless soul. It's like you are on that bridge between the east and the west but not really in the east nor the west. And then, after 18 years on staying putt on that bridge, you go either east or west. I went west - my sister went east - we clash on everything, but at the end of the day, I'm still an east pretending to be a west.

Ooo... too many east/west talk... need to go get high now.

11/27/2005 01:44:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

An excellent posting neha. I think you nailed it right on. Having a Greek background I was faced with the choice of being a nice little greek boy who lives with his parents until marriage, worships the virgin mary and marries his own kind. I instead chose to take advantage of the liberties I enjoy in a liberal democracy. The irony of it all is that Greece has liberalized immensely over the last several years, however, many first generation Greek canadians are dogmatically adhering to the values they imported well over 30 years ago. Regardless, your posting got me thinking of my own unique situation, and my own dilemma of what lifestyle I chose to subscribe to.

11/27/2005 05:32:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ms. Lingus, now that you've said your entire piece and free sex seems to be the deciding factor, is Geeta going to respond? or has she already denied her proclivity for 'the nasty'?

11/27/2005 07:31:00 PM  
Blogger The Elephant said...

"Not that specifically, just generally, like I want to be able to know people who aren't afraid of doing things in a different way."

That was my favorite line of reasoning. :)

11/28/2005 12:54:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i like america for the same reasons,
except of course we have nasty habits
like hating gays amongst other nasty habits.

we do however have the option to do pretty much anything and not get stoned for it.

still. i will say that most people are
stupid and free love and free sex are what
makes our fantastic country rife with marital
infedility and a horrible framework to raise
children in. not to mention our rates of stdease
are climbing faster than most would
care to acknowledge.

that said i hope the fine line becomes
the hardline. keep the freedom but use
it with class. and if its between crazy facist
control and total freedom to do anything im not
stupid. freedom it is.

11/28/2005 04:39:00 PM  
Blogger Neha said...

Thanku for all the precious comments. The best part about touching on immigrant issues and cultural change (not that i'm making my rant out to be an essay or anything) is that it brings out an "Amen, homegirl!" from most people.

Sonia, thanks for the excellent link...girl, do we have some stories to share, let's go for that beer! J, you matchmaker you...

Anangbhai, 10 bucks says the only feed cee pee uses is his fingers, feeding his brain by reloading this page every 2 min. :-) what say Cee Pee?

Geeta ain't calling back, the one and only time she visited my blog (after i threatened to cut off our chat) she said, "wat's the bleddy point?".

C...is you who i think you is? i'm honored. brothers from different mothers, we are. there are a ton of similarities b/w greek and indian cultures, especially The Community. it's like The Firm...or The Masons, heh.

Boot, the class is essential, thankyou for bringing up the class. the class comes with knowledge, i think. and the freedom to gain knowledge of different points of view is essential to that class. ppl can't be expected to have safe sex or if all sex is considered to be unsafe or wrong. i agree that free sex didn't do much for general sexual health. it's time for some frank, safe sex instead. if it were up to me kids would be tied to their benches from grade 4 onwards:
1. viewing really gross shots of various stds on people and learning the exact types of activity that causes them
2. learning about masturbation
3. learning that going to hell is not dependent on whether you have sex or who you have it with

they would be scarred but at least they would think twice about not wearing a god damn condom. and i'm also glad i can type this without getting eggs and tomatoes thrown at me.

TMB, it was the nicest way to say, "but i don't wanna git married and have babies like you will soon, i don't wanna, noooo, i don't wanna, maaaaam, nooooooo!". just a big ol baby inside all these words, i am.

11/28/2005 08:32:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


It's funny how we can't use the sex argument with more traditional peeps, cuz it's so stigmatizing...

11/30/2005 02:23:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

uff! you people! no culture only!

11/30/2005 09:06:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Having spend time in India, Dubai and in US, its funny how people thing that the place where they are living is the best in the world. Ask people in India and they tell you that its the best people... even Canadians think that way..... ;-)

In an organization every person rises to their level of incompetence, like that we all end up living at the places we like. Geeta will end up spending the rest of her life in India and that is her choice.... bloody philosophy... you on Orkut

11/30/2005 10:30:00 PM  

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