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A Ninja, his Concubine, Rocky, Tenderbot and Cobra Kai walk into a bar...

October 31, 2005

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I woke up an hour earlier than I was supposed to this morning. Don't wear a watch and I forgot to set my phone so my eyes are really having trouble staying open. Got a wild Halloween story for you though. There was a party being hosted at the Metro Cinema on Saturday. The Metro is Toronto's ONLY adult theatre and is closing down soon. The event was titled 'Pornoween' so OF COURSE I was excited. There were a few bands playing and a couple of DJs spinning on the bill. I was going to skip on the costume and stick a sign on my back that read "EXOTIC" (thanks, CeePee!) but I managed to put together another type of politically incorrect costume disaster. Walked into a fabric store that just happened to be selling "Chinese Girl" wigs and Japanese kimonos et viola, a costume was born. Rajbo found a Ninja headpiece, he was Nerdy Ninja or Habibi Hussaina depending on cloth placement.

The thing with last minute costumes is you have to mould the vocab to the costume. I started with Concubine, then Geisha, then Ninja Concubine, and finally I became 'Just Asia'. Not that anyone at the Metro really minded. What a dump. I've never been that aware of unsanitary conditions in my life. Not at Rose Motel in Long Beach, not at the hole-in-ground latrine on the Bombay - Pune highway, not even at that time we tried to go a week without showering...remember Seera? Not even then. Shit. But the lights were off so at least we couldn't see the stains, yes the seats were still in and we had to sit on them. At least we found 'Mario Lemeuix' and at least he sold us booze illegally and at least the DJ was better than any I've heard in this city for a long long time. He didn't last long, the bands kept coming, we actually left five minutes after making our first entrance. The news of booze made us return. I can't stand art-rock shite, a group of people on stage screaming into the mike is jarring and annoying, even if 'Vampyros Lesbos' is playing behind them on the big screen.

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The night continued onto the bar next door where those jaded with the Metro party were taking refuge. Lots of good tunes from way back which means there was dancing. Then onto some other place that I can't even remember. But I do remember the very sweet Ebony giving us drinks and reimbursing cover money because she is amazing and ethnically ambiguous like myself. I was asked if I was Greek that night. I was also asked if I was Eastern European. I was wearing pale-face in a fucking kimono. Yes, drunk girl, I AM Euro. Whiter than white for a night, look how pale and unhealthy I look:

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At least I got treated with respect. Ok, just kidding. Have a look at the flickr madness. Here are two of the best pictures taken that night.


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posted by Neha
4:43 PM


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amazing is really all that can be said. Once again, great idea was that pornoween, but poorly poorly executed. Which sucks, cuz more dj and I probably woulda stayed longer possibly all night just to dance to porno. Seriously.

I like how you were thought to be anything but Indian that night. Chinese, Japanese, dirty knees, lookit these. (0)(0)

11/01/2005 10:03:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Darkie, theres gonna be a wicked art show on Saturday and I think Regs is coming in on friday for some pints or summat.

I like how racist my last two posts have been. YES RACISM!

11/01/2005 10:06:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thats for our little Bibi.

11/01/2005 10:12:00 AM  
Blogger Neha said...


I think you should call me Darkie in public, preferably in Scarlam or Missasauga. Or Kensington market when the hippies are out.


11/01/2005 11:59:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Agreed my mocha/cinnamon/latte colored friend. I will gladly call you darkie provided you refer to me as either Peckerwood or cracker. Please. Honky is ok too, but I feel that the first two are more offensive.

11/01/2005 12:13:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ebony and ivory live together in perfect harmony
Side by side on my piano keyboard, oh lord, why don’t we?
We all know that people are the same where ever we go
There is good and bad in ev’ryone,
We learn to live, we learn to give
Each other what we need to survive together alive.

Ebony and ivory live together in perfect harmony
Side by side on my piano keyboard, oh lord why don’t we?

Ebony, ivory living in perfect harmony
Ebony, ivory, ooh

11/01/2005 12:16:00 PM  
Blogger Neha said...

Oh lord why don't weeee, do a cover of that AMAZING tune. I'll wear my pale-face and you can have the brown-face and ppl will be like "hurrrrrh?".

11/01/2005 01:48:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ummmm, OK!
Sounds hilarious to me. HAHAHA AMAZING.

11/01/2005 02:00:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey, touge patrol, ceepee!


how come there were no action shots from YOU!


11/02/2005 06:45:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Vice isnt ready for this kinda shit yet. Frankly, noones ready. Oh yeah. OH YEAH!!!!

Mostly its cuz i didnt know any better, or Im sure id be there.
didja see the twins dressed as cheech and chong?? so wrong but sooooo right.

11/02/2005 09:51:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Theres still time so im sending moi in.
Hey neha, any full body pics of me???

11/02/2005 09:54:00 AM  
Blogger Neha said...

there's a couple of blurry group shots with your full voluptuous self but they aren't so good. i'd go with the freaky one you've got now, colours are much better.

11/02/2005 10:08:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

KK, you should send me the smeary ones all the same, just sos i kin see em.

11/02/2005 10:37:00 AM  

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