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Pass the Power Bait

August 08, 2005

I'm moving to the country. That's where people do real shit like wrestling bears and shooting big guns. None of this pansy ass eating in restaurants and going to clubs filled with pretentious arseholes. NO. In the country they shoot shit, not like shooting the shit but actually shoot shit. And then they eat it. And they are healthy. While us sorry city-flickers breathe in the fumes we create and rot on the inside with our big black lungs and heart disease to match the $200K mortgage on 800 sq. ft. of 'land'. And we gleefully think thoughts like "Look at me, I have a PhD in 17th century art", right, can you wrestle motherfucking bears, guy? Didn't think so.

Mississippi Lake

I went to the country this weekend. Thought I was going to Ottawa but I ended up just short and in the country instead. Spent all Saturday at the lake above, good ol' Mississippi, it's a lake round this side of the border. A ginormous lake. A lake so big that you could just keep motoring down thinking you were going the right way and then realize you've gone the wrong way and have to turn back and you're worried that the 10 hp BEAST you're sitting in will run out of fuel thereby leaving you stranded in a lake full of super speed boats that mock you while you drench in their impressive wake.

This was my first time fishing. We used live bait, it was so alive that it died when we impaled the poor bait bodies on the vicious hooks. So deadly alive that it wiggled. I have come very far from my simple ahimsa roots, the ghosts of my great-grandfathers are cursing my undignified existence in their orange temple robes. I am a Bad Indian Girl, it is delicious. People finally got irritated and stopped baiting my hooks for me so I had to do them myself. I used worms, bigass worms. Worms with tons of guts, one even pooped all over Darth, scared for its life, poor bugger. He had a good life. I just made it a little more exciting by taking one end of his squirmy body and shoving a hook through it, then I wound it around and shoved some more, then I repeated until my hook looked like what I imagined a yummy feast would look like to a massive fish. It kinda worked, I caught one, it was but a wee sunfish. We had some minnows for bait. They were very alive in their plastic bag at first, then one by one they suffocated in their tiny water pail with plastic condomed over the opening. We let four escape but the rest just died before being of some use. I didn't hook any, the others were hooking them through their eyes and that's just plain disgusting.

Yessum, I like fishing, I really like being a vegetarian who likes to fish. I won't eat the fish but I sure likes to catch it. I like to wait for it, sitting on the water, scorching in the heat. I like to feel the little nibbles traveling up the line to my hands. I like the curve of the rod when I pull at what seems to be a fish of great weight. I especially enjoy struggling for many seconds with this really heavy weight until I feel it releasing, 'Yes!', I think, 'Sweet Baby Jesus! It must be huge!'. Then I see it emerging. Long. Green. Leafy. Looks like...like...noooooooo, looks like a big helping of Pond Slop!

Ah-yup, I sure like the country. Wouldn't mind living in a city hut to be able to afford a country cabin someday. By a lake. With neighbours that like to drink and have big mustaches, that goes for the chicks too.

Get more country style love at my freshly updated flickr set.

P.S. Speaking of Flickr - Thanks but that chunk of wisdom is far too large for my pretty little head to fathom.

posted by Neha
12:45 PM


Blogger 13 said...

Next time you are in India, make sure you find time to visit Kerala. We have a 'fish farm' there (you know... the poor suckers roam around thinking they are free and we get to play God and wipe out 75% of them every two months, something like the movie 'The Truman Show") were you can practice you worming and fishing skills :-)

8/09/2005 03:28:00 AM  
Blogger Neha said...

hells yea, i'm def. going to kerela on my next india visit. fishing has just been added to the loooooong list of reasons that includes backwaters, coconuts, eating (rasam, avial, perhaps even fish curry) on banana leaves, arrack (liquor that makes you go blind), and fields of pot. ah, god's country indeed.

8/09/2005 09:00:00 AM  
Blogger The Elephant said...

I like to head out to the wilderness to look for bears also. Last year I went to Sequoia National Park at the height of bear season. All I wanted was to see one bear. I left a little bit of food outside of the bear container the first night. Nothing. The second night I threatened my fellow campers that I was going to pour honey on myself and sleep outside the tent. They vetoed me quite forcefully.

One day I shall find me a bear. One day.

8/10/2005 07:06:00 PM  
Blogger Neha said...

Oh wow, Sequoia. I'd probably get vetoed too, for organizing too many human-link tree-hugging sessions. "But guyyyssss, one last time, promise!"

May your hunt fare well...Rrrrooooaaarrr (non-mating bear call)

...wait a minute, TMB, *gasp* don't I know you from somewhere? :-P Thanks for commenting on this here humble abode and inducing mad delirium...

8/10/2005 07:26:00 PM  

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