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"Back then hos di-int want me, now I'm hot hos all on me"

June 09, 2005

There are three things that have affected me in some interesting manner in the past week that need a-blogging.
1. Darth - The Midnight Cowboy
2. Graffitti - The Homesick Experience
3. TTLB Ecosystem - The Life and Times of an Insignificant Microbe

Before I begin my twisted tales I would like to take a moment to thank and spank Prince for uploading the best shizz to my hard drive. That was not sexual innuendo. I had no idea you had been uploading, Prince, I just found the stuff yesterday morning whilst frantically trying to fill the mp3 player. It was the best prezzie ever "CHING CHING, CHING CHING!". Don't ever stop unloading your load into my hard drive.

Darth - The Midnight Cowboy

On a fateful saturday, almost two weeks ago, Rajbo's brother, Darth moved in with us. Straight from Texas, accent and all. He has already taught me many things (that I was aware of previously but have re-learnt): Texan girls dress way skankier than their Ontario counterparts, the Texan accent is a total babe magnet, men don't wear shirts in Texas, everything is cheaper in Texas, Canadian cable has a lot of nudity/swearing and maple leaves. But the most important thing I have learned is that guns and exotic animals are man's best friends.

To illustrate this last point I have a couple of TRUE stories. Darth has this friend who's really into scary, illegal reptiles. This friend somehow smuggled an anaconda into Texas from Mexico. He began feeding it the regular anaconda diet of one rabbit ($10/each) every few days. One day, Darth went to visit his friend and found his living room full of cute little kittens. Darth says "Why do you have so many kittens?!". Friend says "Oh, dang rabbits cost too much. Kittens are free in the newspaper!". Just to emphazise the point, anacondas tend to wrap their loooong bodies around their prey and crush them to death before swallowing them whole, fur and all. The friend, well, he's done gone joined the army and has since been deployed to Iraq. Ah, comforting.

Second story, Darth went camping one day with some friends. They were roasting marshmellows when one friend began to complain about the lack of meat. So the friend pulls out his fully loaded assault rifle and runs off into the woods. He soon returns to the campsite with two recently deceased ducks and happily proclaims "Meat, y'all!". He then plucks out the feathers himself and throws the ducks (along with webbed feet) onto the spit. They roast, friend eats, everyone looks a little disgusted (mostly due to the feet that are still cooking). The best part is, this friend now lives rent free on a beach in the Caribbean and gets paid $80K to fly a small plane once a week to New York. During Darth's recounting, this part was when I slugged back an enitre whiskey glass full of sake.

All in all, Darth has some crazy stories but is himself quite a normal young man. Except for his weird effect on women. We took him out last saturday and this unknown, hot, Czech chick ran up to him and smooched him full on while saying "yoo byoo ti ful man, arrgghhhh, byoo ti ful", while a huge dude gave Darth rotten looks from behind her. Meanwhile at home, his ex (who still thinks she is current) calls him 18 times a day and keeps threatening to visit. I have a feeling this is going to be one hell of a fun summer.

Parts 2 & 3 of this here's-what-I've-been-up-to post will follow shortly...

posted by Neha
9:46 AM


Blogger Paresh said...

You know, balding I may be, but I've NEVER had a random woman come throw herself at me like that. As for the glaring man, in my case, the darling wife would've let some blood loose on the skank!

6/09/2005 04:10:00 PM  
Blogger Neha said...

My sentiments exactly, initially I thought the chick was giving rajbo the eye too, so I yelled out loud in a drunken rage "tell me if looked at you, I'LL SKIN THE BITCH ALIVE!".

6/09/2005 05:04:00 PM  
Blogger QuickSilver said...

Texan girls dress way skankier than their Ontario counterparts

Those danged prolonged winters again. It's never going to let me live in peace. *grumble*

6/09/2005 07:10:00 PM  
Blogger Wolfe said...

Remind me to tell you about the Korean chick in Miami *grin*

6/10/2005 02:12:00 AM  
Blogger Neha said...

Oh Wolfieeeee, why don't you tell us about that time in Miami with the Korean chick????? Dutty Florida stories are much more spicy than the Texan kind.

6/10/2005 09:41:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

- LOL.
- your blog is great!
- more stories like that.

6/10/2005 12:59:00 PM  

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