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Shotgun Shaadi

April 27, 2005

Wolfie is being haggled into marriage. She sounds reluctant yet understandably resigned to the fact that there is no argument against the infallible notion of marriage and procreation in the Indian tradition. Thusly, the best course of action becomes one of deduction, saying no to all potential suitors until there are none left to choose from. The only problem with this game plan is that once you have said no to a significant number, the familial units become increasingly wary and what often follows is a lowering of standards..."So WHAT if he smells? If you say no to everyone then who will you marry?!".

Take the example of my dear friend Monsveet. Monsveet is a real catch by all standards: intelligent, extremely witty, great taste in music, wicked wardrobe, nice bod, guitar god, and so on. A couple of years ago, his parents started putting on the matrimonial pressure. So he put up a Shaadi C.V. [don't kill me Monsveet, the world needs to know your story!]. This venture brought forth, well, not much.

His folks started altering the pressure with a very specific type of bride in mind...Punjabi from same sub-group, preferably from same place in India. That doesn't sound too specific but considering the fact that Monsveet is a complete Dubaiyan his chances of finding his bride in Dubai were little to none. And so off they went to Ludhiyana where he met a host of homely "metric-pass" types. This trip was a last chance for romance so the engagement was settled with a sweet small-town girl, who we unceremoniously referred to as The Plant [her marry-me pic was 2/3 tall plant, 1/3 herself].

After putting up with much of "You've gotta be kidding!", "But this is the rest of your life you know!", "There's no way Plant will want to go clubbing with us!!!!", Monsveet wrote all his friends a looooong group email. It was half apology, half eulogy, a eupology really. The subject was "She comes with the plant!". Now we all knew that he didn't really think Plant was the best person for him but we knew how devoted he was to his parents' wishes. So, everyone stopped with the negative and gave him the support he so wanted and deserved. This was in fall 2004, the engagement was set for December.

A few weeks after the eupology, another group communication was sent out. This time it detailed his miraculous discovery of his true love who he really wanted to marry and have hundreds of babies with. This girl was someone other than Plant, she too was a Dubaiyan and the daughter of a man who Monu usually encountered almost every weekend! He even knew her brothers at one point in time. Small world indeed. What happened next, you ask? Well, they got married and lived happily every after, silly!

What is the point of this story? Hmmm, the point is, Wolfie, please don't give up and settle for the hairy man with pinkie ring on Shaadi/Barbaadi.com...and remember to hunt down every guy you thought was fabulous in high school. Do it for your children, you don't want them to be hairy beasts with terrible dance moves!

posted by Neha
11:09 AM


Blogger Wolfe said...

Bless. I have hope anew. Give me Montu's email address - I will send his wife flowers. No, not for that reason, gutterbrain.

Speaking of gutterbrains, when are you coming to visit?!

4/28/2005 10:58:00 AM  
Blogger Neha said...

Hmmm, she is very hot with rather large tta ttas, mebbe I'll also send flowers.

I'm leaving on the 3rd of July and should be arriving shortly thereafter, inshallah. Will be there for about 20 days, 20 days of sun, fun, friends, and FOOD! Need to hit up Jabal al Noor as soon as I finish dinner at home.

4/28/2005 11:47:00 AM  

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